Tell Me a Fairy Tail
by Aryndiel
Summary: A collection of Fairy Tail shorts, drabbles, and other curiosities. Latest: "Fashion Sense". Because apparently nobody ever taught Laxus how to dress himself.
1. Easy Breezy

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Fairy Tail series or any of the characters.

**Summary: **A collection of Fairy Tail shorts, drabbles, and other curiosities. Latest: "Easy Breezy". It falls to Pantherlily to address a delicate matter. March 5, 2012.

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><p><strong>Tell Me a Fairy Tail<strong>

**Easy Breezy**

Pantherlily hadn't been here long, but already he could tell that there was no place he'd rather be.

The Fairy Tail mages were certainly a lively bunch. The celebration that had erupted to welcome home the white-haired girl who had briefly been his prisoner was proof of that. They'd laughed, and they'd drank, and they'd fought until they were all exhausted, and then they'd fallen asleep sprawled all over the place, like children. Lily hadn't joined in the fighting, but to his chagrin, he'd completely misjudged just how quickly this smaller body would react to alcohol.

Waking up on top of a snoring dragon slayer who was cuddling him like a teddy bear had definitely been a new experience.

Eventually the rest of the guild began to wake up and stumble blearily around, and the noise level in the guild hall steadily rose as their hangovers wore off. These people didn't seem to come with volume control. Or impulse control, either, to be honest.

But it was nice here. The people were genuine, the beer was excellent, and his dragon slayer was acceptably badass, so Lily supposed that he might as well stay.

But if he was going to stay, certain issues needed to be addressed. And now that his headache had finally disappeared, he decided that it was time to suck it up and get it over with. Frowning, he paced the tabletop — the part of it that wasn't covered in scrap metal as Gajeel sat down to lunch — and thought about how to approach this rather awkward subject.

Being a military commander had given Pantherlily plenty of experience handling delicate conversations, because unless they were constantly kept busy, soldiers were forever doing very silly things. The youngest recruits especially excelled at creating the most awkward kinds of brainless trouble. Pantherlily knew how to maintain discipline in the ranks without ever allowing them to see him look shocked, embarrassed, or in need of a stiff drink. He made sure to always appear to be in total control. But he couldn't recall ever having to broach a topic quite like this one with any of his troops.

"Happy," he called, attracting the young exceed's attention. "Come here, please. I'd like to speak with you."

Happy flew over, sucking on the head of a fish that had been his latest rejected gift to Carla, and landed on the table next to Lily. Everything from his poor posture to his slightly vacant expression reminded Pantherlily so strongly of a wet-behind-the-ears recruit that he was hard-pressed not to slip into drill sergeant mode.

"Happy, please take that fish out of your mouth and stand up straight."

Okay, so maybe he couldn't completely suppress his military background, but at least it got some results.

Gajeel's only sign of interest in any of this was a brief pause in his eating before he continued cramming metal down his gullet, chewing noisily with his mouth open. Really, his eating habits were so bizarre that Pantherlily couldn't even bring himself to call them atrocious.

Trying to tune out the chewing noises, Pantherlily clasped his paws behind his back and focused on Happy.

"There is a problem that needs to be addressed, Happy. I realize that you were raised among humans and had no way to compare your habits with those of your own kind, but surely you've noticed... _a breeze_."

To his dismay, Happy simply looked at him blankly. Of course, it could never be that easy. Gajeel had apparently caught on, however, because Pantherlily heard him snort with humour and choke slightly on his food. He refused to turn and look at the iron dragon slayer, because he knew he'd never keep a straight face if they made eye contact.

At any rate, Happy was clearly clueless. So much for discretion. Lily was going to have to be blunt.

"Happy," he stated again, making sure he had the other exceed's full attention. "You should really wear some pants. For Carla's sake, if nothing else. No wonder she avoids you. How did you manage to visit Extalia and still fail to notice that you are the only exceed who doesn't wear clothes?"

Happy looked down at his body and considered this information _very carefully_. It took longer than it really should have.

Eventually, however, the message sank in. Happy fled across the guild hall, shouting at the top of his lungs.

"Natsu!" he howled in distress, "Natsu! I'm naked!"

The fire dragon slayer looked slightly surprised as Happy dropped onto the bar in front of him. There were a few stifled giggles and snorts throughout the guild hall, but aside from that the place was far quieter than before. They were obviously all busy listening. So nosy!

"Yeah...?" Natsu said slowly.

"_Naked_, Natsu!" Happy looked horrified.

"You're always naked, Happy," Natsu replied, scratching his head.

_"Why didn't you tell me?!"_ Happy wailed.

Natsu frowned, clearly bemused by this turn of events. "I thought you knew."

Laughter filled the guild hall.

The noise wasn't quite enough to drown out the voice of the ice mage, Gray, as he mused aloud, "I knew I couldn't be the only one this happens to."

"Gray, your clothes."

"Uwaah!"

Pantherlily felt the table vibrate and turned to see Gajeel pounding on it with his fist, laughing so hard he could barely breathe. But the man managed to gasp in enough air to make one comment before he succumbed to his mirth.

"My cat is _such _a shit-starter! Fucking _awesome!_"

This guild was such a strange place. A place where a man cried with happiness over "his cat", where friends showed their affection through bar fights, where people ate metal or fire or drank their own weight in booze and _didn't die _from it, took their clothes off for no reason, or just didn't wear any to begin with. It was unspeakably bizarre.

Pantherlily loved it.

**:Owari:**

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><p><strong>AN:** Well, this is the first of (hopefully) many small tales. I always like to have a collection of short, stand-alone stories on the go. It gives me a place to house fics that are too short or not quite strong enough to merit their own distinct story. It's a place where I can experiment with the _little_ ideas. Hope you liked this first instalment!


	2. Double Cross

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Fairy Tail series or any of the characters.

**Summary: **A collection of Fairy Tail shorts, drabbles, and other curiosities. Latest: "Double Cross". Gajeel reveals his true colours. March 5, 2012.

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><p><strong>Tell Me a Fairy Tail<strong>

**Double Cross**

"Buahahaha!"

How cliché. Ivan Dreyar really needs to rethink his villain image.

Makarov had always known that someday his son would attack. Fairy Tail stands poised to defend itself against Raven Tail, but already the guild members are weary.

"You think your brats stand a chance, Makarov?" the insane mage taunts his father. "But don't you know? You, with all your wisdom? One of them has been betraying you!"

Gajeel's heart sinks into his boots. He hates secret plans. Makarov better give him a fucking medal for this. One he can eat.

If Gajeel lives, that is.

Ivan waits for his announcement to shake Fairy Tail's confidence, waits for the doubtful looks and the whispers to start.

Then he says, "Isn't that right, Gajeel-chan?"

_Stop calling everyone -chan, you crazy fuck! _Gajeel wants to shout. But instead he hoists a smirk onto his face and walks forward, and doesn't dare look back until he reaches the psycho's side. He's afraid that when he looks at them, none of them will be surprised that he's a traitor. All their_ nakama_ crap is contagious or something, because he could never actually betray them, and if they look like they've been expecting him to, he thinks he might finally break. If they are shocked and hurt, at least he'll know he was really one of them. He's tried so hard.

Makarov looks thunderous. The old guy's not a bad actor.

"I knew it!" shout Jet and Droy in unison, but it's _them_, so... _yeah_.

But then, amidst the muttering, something happens that Gajeel never anticipated.

Natsu bursts out laughing. He rolls on the ground, clutching his stomach.

"Yeah, I call bullshit," Cana comments.

Erza nods gravely. "I concur."

"Same." Gray looks bored.

"Ridiculous. As if Gajeel would betray us," huffs Carla, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, whose bright idea was that?" asks Lucy, frowning.

"Is this a prank? Are we on camera?"

"Jokes are manly!"

"Can we go home? I'm hungry."

"Yeah, this blows. I'm outta here."

"Gajeel! Come get some pizza with us!"

Levy just raises her eyebrows with a smile.

Pantherlily shrugs at him, smirking, as if to say, _"Well, what did you expect?"_

Gajeel thinks he might cry.

Makarov looks surprised, and slightly at a loss. He never factored this into the plan.

Gajeel suddenly remembers that he is standing beside a highly powerful, very unpredictable psychopath. This is probably not a good place to be. He looks at Ivan, trying to gauge whether or not there is any chance of continuing the charade. Ivan is looking back at him, clearly confused. No one ever said that evil masterminds were actually smart.

But the confusion is slowly being replaced by suspicion.

"I'm just gonna go... kill some of them," Gajeel invents wildly, hoping to buy himself some time.

He strolls away, trying to look casual. By the time he reaches his destination, he is moving at a dead sprint, and he doesn't stop until Fairy Tail closes ranks around him. By some miracle, he is proud to discover that he has not shat his pants. If anyone asks him _ever again_ to stand between two opposing mages with such insane power levels, he will definitely tell them to go fuck themselves.

"So," he asks Master Makarov, when he gets his breath back. "What was plan B?"

**:Owari:**

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><p><strong>AN: **Oh Gajeel, for such a badass, you're an incredible dork! Just my amusing take on the whole double-agent situation. Actually, it'll be interesting to see if the time-skip has any effect on this in the manga.

Wrote this one in about an hour, posted within about two. Normally I take much longer crafting stories. The long ones take weeks or months. The shorter ones usually take days at the very least. This one just _wanted_ me to write it, I guess. Who am I to argue? The downside is that errors are more likely to creep in, so let me know if you spot any.


	3. Guesswork

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Fairy Tail series or any of the characters.

**Summary: **A collection of Fairy Tail shorts, drabbles, and other curiosities. Latest: "Guesswork". Igneel returns. Natsu is ecstatic. Makarov just wants some answers. March 10, 2012.

Just a fun little glimpse into one possible future.

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><p><strong>Tell Me a Fairy Tail<strong>

**Guesswork**

Makarov watched as Natsu turned a cartwheel across the grass, set some bushes on fire, and let out a delighted shout. He couldn't blame the boy for being so over-excited, knowing just how desperately Natsu had missed his foster father, but he was starting to wonder if Natsu was ever going to run out of energy. The dragon slayer had not stopped celebrating since early this afternoon, when Igneel had shown up in the skies overhead without warning and landed behind the guild hall.

That was four hours ago.

To be fair, Natsu had spent the first hour laughing and crying and hugging the massive dragon's face, demanding answers and telling stories of his own. There had also been many, many introductions, and it was hard to tell if Natsu was more excited to show off his father to his friends or vice versa. What _was_ clear was that Natsu was ecstatic to have his entire family together for the first time.

Natsu had taken particular delight in introducing Gajeel and Wendy to Igneel, and he'd also asked Igneel about Metalicana and Grandine. Igneel announced that the other dragons were only a few days behind him, as Wendy looked on hopefully and Gajeel pretended not to care.

Because nothing could happen in Fairy Tail without causing some sort of chaos, Igneel's arrival had set off alarm bells all over Magnolia and prompted a surprise visit from the Council's Rune Knights. However, there was no actual rule against having a dragon in Fairy Tail's back yard, especially when said dragon showed every indication of being rather more intelligent and sane than most of Fairy Tail's human denizens. Unable to find any legitimate reason to throw their collective weight around, Lahar and his men had milled about uselessly for a few minutes, before beating a subdued retreat. Makarov had not been sad to see them go.

Since it was also true that very little could happen in Fairy Tail without becoming an excuse for a rowdy party, _someone_ (Makarov had his suspicions) had begun rolling barrels of alcohol outside the moment the Council's troops were gone. Soon the entire guild was up to their usual shenanigans, with Natsu in the thick of it all.

And of course, it had all turned into a gigantic brawl, only this one involved slightly less property damage than usual because they were all outdoors. So really, it all worked out quite nicely, and now half of them were sleeping it off. But Natsu was still going strong. His happiness was still bubbling up endlessly, so sleep was out of the question.

"Gajeel, fight me! I wanna show Igneel my new techniques!"

"Fuck off." Gajeel didn't budge from where he was laying back in the grass, looking at the sky. He seemed unusually pensive.

Natsu was not discouraged.

"Wendy, fight me!"

"Uwaah!" Wendy hid behind Erza.

"Erza, fight me!"

Annoyed, Erza punched Natsu in the head with an armoured fist, and _round two _erupted.

Throughout all of this, Igneel watched his adopted offspring indulgently. At the same time, he politely fended off Cana's attempts to see if dragons made good drinking buddies. Makarov was relieved, as he had no desire to see what sort of damage an intoxicated dragon could create. After all, Natsu had to have gotten his destructive tendencies from _somewhere_.

After the initial introductions, Makarov had held himself back from the festivities, waiting for his many children to wear themselves out. They were such a rambunctious lot! But they had good intentions, and better hearts. Why couldn't the Council see them as favourably as he did?

Now that the insanity had been reduced to a handful of still-conscious mages, Makarov decided it was time to get the answer to a question that had been burning in the back of his mind for _years_. He wandered over, shooing the drunken card mage away from the dragon (because it looked as if Igneel was starting to consider giving in to peer pressure), and sat down in the grass next to one of Igneel's forelegs.

They sat in comfortable silence for a bit, watching Natsu's antics. Makarov sipped at his sake quietly.

Eventually, the dragon's voice rumbled out.

"I must thank you. I had to leave him, and I knew his path would be difficult. You took him in, raised him, taught him, loved him as your own. You have my gratitude."

"I tried, but it wasn't a solitary effort," Makarov replied. "All of my children have helped to shape Natsu into the person he is now. And he has given something to each of them in return. There is not a person in this guild who does not owe Natsu in some way. He would give his very life for them, if needed. There have been times when I feared that he might have done so. I couldn't protect him from everything."

"Nor could I," Igneel said. "And yet, he has turned out more wonderfully than my greatest hopes."

Makarov smiled as Natsu ran past, being chased by an irate Lucy, whose top had somehow been reduced to ashes. She had Natsu's scarf wrapped around her torso, but it wasn't doing a very good job.

"I'll admit, I do worry sometimes about the way he interacts with the fairer sex," Makarov commented. "Or more the fact that he rarely seems to recognize that there _is_ an opposite sex. Although, perhaps that's not entirely true, since Lucy's shirt tends to mysteriously ignite more often than seems statistically probable."

"I was beginning to wonder if that was normal human courtship behaviour," Igneel said, as they watched Lucy trip Natsu with her whip and begin kicking him across the lawn. "I hadn't thought so, but you humans are complicated creatures."

This nicely provided an opening for Makarov to bring up the point that he'd been wondering about all these years.

"A dragon, raising a human child," he mused. "That can't have been an easy task. Why, I can't imagine the difficulty of raising a completely different species without resorting to making a series of wild guesses."

Igneel didn't answer, but he looked somehow... shifty. Makarov went for the throat.

"You winged it, didn't you?"

Surprisingly enough, chagrin was an emotion that actually translated quite well on the reptilian face.

"Is it that obvious?" the dragon asked.

Natsu streaked by, waving a flaming bra in the air and laughing like a loon as Lucy screamed at him in outrage.

"Just a little."

**:Owari:**

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><p><strong>AN:** It started with the idea of Igneel "winging it", and the story grew outward from that point. I like the idea that maybe Igneel really had no idea what he was doing when he attempted to raise a human boy. It would really explain a lot of Natsu's behaviour.


	4. Mission Improbable

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Fairy Tail series or any of the characters.

**Summary: **A collection of Fairy Tail shorts, drabbles, and other curiosities. Latest: "Mission Improbable". Natsu's ninja skills could use some work. April 9, 2012.

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><p><strong>Tell Me a Fairy Tail<strong>

**Mission Improbable**

Natsu crouched on the ledge, mapping out his path. This was going to be difficult.

He drew a deep breath, and then set his left foot down, cautiously easing his weight onto it. His eyes darted as he checked for a reaction. Still safe. Okay, right foot... careful, now. Slowly, he transferred his weight, feeling the surface below him sink even as he tried his best not to disturb it.

_Just across here, and then through that doorway_, he told himself. _I can do this. Just that far, and I'm home free._

He looked for another safe spot to step, but the terrain was much more treacherous ahead, uneven and full of half-hidden dangers that would instantly trigger a reaction if he so much as bumped the wrong spot.

_Don't wake the monster._

A shiver raised the hairs on the back of his neck at the thought of being caught. But the excitement was delicious, and the anticipation he felt when he considered the potential rewards only heightened the pleasure of the challenge. The hint of fear just added to the thrill. His eyes flickered to check his safety again, and his balance wavered on the soft, unreliable footing. He flailed frantically as he tried to stay upright without changing the placement of his feet. Luck was with him this time as he managed to steady himself, and he breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

The next safe spot was on the far side of the critical zone. He would have to step over. It wasn't far, but a bit further than he could comfortably reach. Gingerly, he gathered his weight onto his right leg, stretching out with his left until he could just tap the other side with his toe. He felt the muscles in his right thigh start to tremble almost instantly from the strain of balancing all his weight in this awkward position, but he couldn't rush.

It was much too dangerous for that.

_Don't wake the monster._

A bead of sweat rolled down his back under his vest. Now his left foot was fully planted, leaving him in a sort of awkward straddle stance, as he prepared to shift his weight off of his protesting right leg.

_Almost there..._

And then, as he began to move, his left ankle was caught in a vice grip. His balance was shattered, and he teetered on the brink.

He may have screamed, but he'd never admit it. Arms pinwheeling wildly, he fought against the pull of gravity, and lost. He tumbled from the height, and plunged head-first.

_Ow._

He thought his nose might be broken. The floor was really hard, and he'd landed right on his face.

He fumbled around until he managed to get his arms coordinated and pushed himself over onto his back. Sprawled there, legs in the air, he looked up to see Lucy sitting up in her bed, still clutching his ankle and looking ferocious. He cringed under her glare.

"STOP SNEAKING IN MY WINDOW, NATSU!" she shouted. "Why were you walking across my bed? I'm trying to sleep! If you were thinking of raiding my kitchen, don't bother. It's already empty. And _do you know_ whose fault it is? _Can you guess?_ Ooooh, when I get done with you, you're gonna wish..."

Natsu cowered in the face of this passionate diatribe, abject terror gripping his soul.

_Oh God, the monster's awake!_

**:Owari:**

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><p><strong>AN** - I'm not sure why this idea showed up in my head. I guess I just thought Natsu would have a grand time turning a fairly mundane activity into some sort of Indiana-Jones-Mission-Impossible-ninja-heist-adventure. The hard part was trying to describe his journey across the bed without revealing where he was or what the actual source of danger was.


	5. Strong Enough

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Fairy Tail series or any of the characters.

**Summary: **A collection of Fairy Tail shorts, drabbles, and other curiosities. Latest: "Strong Enough". Levy isn't weak, and she'll gladly prove it. June 11, 2012.

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><p><strong>Tell Me a Fairy Tail<strong>

**Strong Enough**

In the aftermath of Tenrou Island, Acnologia, and Fairy Sphere, there really hadn't been time to reflect upon the experience. First, there had been the shock of being rescued by guild members who were seven years older than they had been a week ago. The boat ride back had been filled with seven years worth of news, but hearing about the struggles the guild had gone through couldn't prepare them for the second shock of seeing in person just how far Fairy Tail had fallen without its strongest members.

This dramatic downturn in the guild's fortunes was a sobering thing, but Fairy Tail mages had better things to do than sit around wringing their hands or bemoaning the situation. A party had broken out instead, and no one was in a fit state to ponder anything after the booze started to flow.

There were plenty of other distractions after the hangover wore off, and so it was more than a week before Gajeel had time to really think things over. He could recall most of the details of the battle against Grimoire Heart and the disaster with Acnologia, but there were pieces in the middle that were missing.

"Hey, Bookworm!"

Levy turned away from her conversation near the bar to give him a questioning look.

"On Tenrou, how'd I get back to camp?" he asked.

"You don't remember?" Levy returned. "I guess it's not surprising. You were really out of it. Is your arm better?"

"A puny wound like that isn't enough to slow _me_ down!" he boasted.

Actually, it still hurt. He healed fast, but that sword had really wrecked his arm. And then there was the less severe (but still pretty serious) damage to the rest of his body. It would probably take him at least another week to feel normal again.

Everyone in the tiny guild hall was listening to the conversation, which was kind of annoying, but Gajeel ignored them in favour of getting some answers. What did he care if they were nosy?

"You gonna tell me what happened or not?" he asked.

"What's the last thing you remember after you won that fight?" Levy asked him instead.

Gajeel had been thinking about this for a while, so he had an answer ready. "I _think_ you showed up with Titania and Rain Woman, but it's pretty hazy at that point, and if I was awake after that I can't remember." He knew Juvia was fairly strong, but Erza was probably the only one with enough upper body strength to haul his ass through about a mile of jungle. "Don't tell me you let Titania drag me back. No wonder I don't remember. She probably banged my head on every rock she could find."

"I didn't drag you anywhere," Erza interjected, with narrowed eyes. "Any brain damage you have is your own doing."

Juvia spoke up. "Erza-san and Juvia went to fight Grimoire Heart, while Levy-san stayed behind with Gajeel-kun."

The water mage beamed, clasping her hands under her chin with a soppy look on her face. She might be Gajeel's oldest (and until recently, _only_) friend, but he still sometimes thought Juvia was beyond comprehension_._

"Levy-san carried you to safety, Gajeel-kun!" Juvia exclaimed. She seemed ready to swoon with delight at the idea. _Weirdo_.

Gajeel took a minute to absorb this information, staring at Levy, who seemed to be blushing.

"How the hell did _you_ carry me, midget?" he demanded, examining her as if she might suddenly sprout muscles he'd never noticed before. "I know how much I weigh. Your arms are barely the size of my wrists."

"All the adrenaline probably helped," Levy admitted, squirming under his gaze and looking uncomfortable with the guild's attention. "You were partially conscious at first — enough to move your legs, at least, so long as I kept you upright. But that didn't last long, so I carried you the rest of the way."

"_How?_" He couldn't believe it.

"Do you have to sound so shocked? I'm not _that_ weak!" Levy retorted, frowning.

"You're a toothpick," he said, dismissive.

Shit, why couldn't he learn to keep his mouth shut until he'd had a chance to filter his thoughts through his brain? He really didn't think of her as _weak_, at least not anymore; he only meant to point out that she was _tiny_, but it hadn't come out that way. And it was clear that his unthinking declaration had struck a nerve, because he spotted the hurt that flashed across Levy's face just before her frown became a scowl. She stalked towards him, and he couldn't figure out why it made him feel so nervous.

"Stand up," Levy demanded, and he found his body obeying without any conscious decision on his part.

Levy grabbed his left arm and turned her back to him. She crouched slightly, hauling his arm over her shoulder, forcing him to bend as well. It felt kind of inappropriate to have the front of his body pretty much draped over her back, and his cheek was only about an inch from the side of her neck. She smelled good. He wondered why he felt a sudden thrill run through him. He was also acutely aware that the entire guild was watching. Moments ago, he hadn't cared. Now, he really wished that they would mind their own business.

Then Levy straightened her knees, and Gajeel's weight came off his feet, and he was too shocked to feel anything else. She'd lifted him!

And she was walking, too! Not easily, and his toes were dragging slightly because he was so much taller than her, but sure enough, she could carry him. He still wasn't sure how she was doing it, because he knew he was heavier than most men his size. His taller-than-average frame was weighed down with bulky muscles, and his bones were reinforced with iron most of the time (except when he needed to shed some weight to gain speed or endurance, or to swim).

He was _heavy_. But she was strong.

"I'm _not weak_," Levy grunted. She still sounded pretty pissed off.

"No," he agreed. He'd never been shy about telling people exactly what he thought of them. "You're fucking amazing."

Levy stopped walking and lowered him back onto his feet, slowly turning around to look at him with wide brown eyes. Oh shit, what was he supposed to do? And why was everyone staring? Why was Pantherlily smirking at him? And why was Demon Bartender Chick throwing a silent fit of delight behind the bar in his peripheral vision?

"You really think so?" Levy asked him. Her voice was kind of breathy, and her eyes were all hopeful and sparkly, and it did something weird to his insides.

"Well, _yeah_, I just said so, didn't I?" Gajeel answered, trying to ignore the feeling. "I don't walk around making shit up because I like to hear myself talk, you know."

Then he was confused, because she was attacking him. Only, as it turned out, _not really_. But he guessed he could be excused for thinking so, because generally when people flung themselves at him, they had violent intentions. He had plenty of experience with that.

He had no experience at all with having someone leap upward to hug him around the neck and _kiss his cheek_.

Levy dangled there only a brief second before she let go and landed on her feet again. Then she took one look at his stunned face, turned bright red, and bolted out the door.

Gajeel stared after her, frozen in place. No one spoke. No one _moved_. After a moment, he remembered how breathing worked. As if released from a spell, the guild exploded with whispers, giggles, catcalls, squeals, and cheers.

After another moment, he remembered how to speak.

"What the fuck just happened?"

**::Owari::**

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> Not much to say about this one. Just a little GaLe to make you smile!


	6. Civilized

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Fairy Tail series or any of the characters.

**Summary: **A collection of Fairy Tail shorts, drabbles, and other curiosities. Latest: "Civilized". These people are weird, and kind of gross, and Natsu would like to move back to the forest where life is more civilized, please. August 11, 2012.

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><p><strong>Tell Me a Fairy Tail<strong>

**Civilized**

"What are you _doing?!_"

Natsu looked up from his spot in the bushes behind the Fairy Tail guild hall, and scowled. There was that ice mage from earlier, staring at him with a startled look on his stupid face. Couldn't a person get a little privacy around here?

"What's it look like? Go away!" Natsu answered.

"You can't do that _there,_" the other boy said. What was his name again? It was a colour... blue... brown... Gray! That was it.

"Stop staring at me, weirdo," Natsu retorted.

"I'm telling Master," Gray announced, and ran off.

Natsu ignored this. He knew he hadn't done anything wrong, so why should he care if Gray was going to tattle on him for something?

He wasn't sure that he was going to like city life. It was hard to find any decent-sized leaves. Probably because so many people lived here, he supposed, and there didn't seem to be nearly enough trees to go around. He wasn't sure how many people lived in Magnolia, but he knew it was more people than he had ever seen before in his whole life.

They should really plant some more trees. How did they manage to wipe their bums when there was a shortage of good leaves?

Maybe they didn't bother. _Gross._

When he was finished, Natsu went back indoors, where he was greeted by poorly-concealed staring and chuckling from the grown-ups, along with completely obvious staring, giggling, and whispering from the other kids. A smug-looking Gray was standing beside the Master, who looked like he had a headache coming on.

"I suppose it's my fault for not considering..." the Master muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Raised away from human civilization... I should have realized. Well! No matter. We'll address the problem now, and I expect everyone to refrain from mentioning it again. Understood, you brats?"

The other kids were still snickering, and Gray continued to smirk. The Master noticed, and whacked the boy over the head in annoyance. Gray swore loudly and filthily, clutching his head. The monster-disguised-as-a-girl named Erza made her way towards the ice mage, loosening up her "punishing-people" arm as she went. Erza didn't like excessive swearing. Erza didn't like a lot of things.

Natsu grinned in anticipation, but he didn't get to stay and watch the other boy get beat up, because just then, the Master said, "Natsu, follow me."

The Master led Natsu over to one of the doors leading off from the main room, and opened it. The room beyond smelled strongly of soap and fake lemon scent, and faintly of less pleasant things. Natsu edged inside warily.

The Master pointed out the symbol on the door, and the lock. He showed Natsu the seat with a hole in it, and explained its purpose and usage. He directed Natsu's attention to the roll of paper fastened to the wall. He also invited Natsu to make use of the sink and the soap, preferably right away. While he was at it, he elaborated on other ways of getting clean, and where Natsu might find them.

Natsu washed his hands as instructed, thinking hard about this sudden flood of information. He was silent as he followed the Master back out of the room, frowning in concentration.

The paper was something he approved of, because it looked much softer than leaves, and he could even get on board with the idea of sinks and showers and tubs, which would save a lot of time that he would otherwise have to spend seeking out brooks and streams, but...

"Is there something you wanted to ask, Natsu?" the Master inquired. "You seem troubled."

So Natsu asked the question that was causing him the most grief. "You people actually crap indoors?"

A titter of amusement ran through the guild. The master sighed.

"Yes, Natsu. Whenever the necessary facilities are available, it is not sanitary or socially acceptable to relieve yourself outdoors. Especially in a city. If you are out in the wilderness — travelling to or from a job, for example — _then_ it is perfectly fine to carry on as you are accustomed to doing. But not in an urban area."

Natsu took a moment to absorb this.

"I ate lunch in this building," he said, horrified. "In the _same building_ where you people piss and crap. That's _so gross! _I might _die!"_

There was no way that this was normal, sanitary, or civilized, and it took several hours of arguing for them to convince him otherwise. Even then, he had his doubts.

What a bunch of _weirdos_.

**::oo::oo::oo::**

When Natsu got a little older, he built himself a house. It was whimsical, and a bit ramshackle, but it had all the usual amenities, like a locking door, glass windows, a wood stove with a proper chimney, cold and hot running water, a kitchen sink, a bathtub and shower, and electric-lacrima lights.

He even installed a toilet...

...in a separate little building, out back, with its own plumbing.

After all, he might live among these weird humans he called nakama, but that didn't mean he had to stop being civilized.

**::Owari::**

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><p><strong>AN:** You have to wonder what a child raised in the wild by a dragon would _really_ consider normal...


	7. Tangible

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Fairy Tail series or any of the characters.

**Summary: **A collection of Fairy Tail shorts, drabbles, and other curiosities. Latest: "Tangible". Natsu likes to touch. January 5, 2013.

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><p><strong>Tell Me a Fairy Tail<strong>

**Tangible**

Natsu had to touch everything.

It probably wouldn't have been much of a problem, if not for his careless inattention and destructive impulses. Factor in the general Fairy Tail tendency to over-do everything, and it was inevitable that things would get broken.

But they were just things. Things could be replaced. People couldn't.

Natsu had never gone without physical contact as a child. With Igneel, he was always touching, pushing, tugging, mauling, and snuggling, whenever the urge struck him. There were no real rules or limits, although occasionally, if he was being a deliberate nuisance, Igneel would push him away, sending him tumbling. Natsu lived by his instincts, and his instincts told him that the important things in life were those that he could see, hear, smell, taste, and especially touch.

Then Igneel was gone, and as it turned out, Natsu's instincts had been lying. The things he could obtain using his senses, like food, water, shelter, and fire, were not nearly as crucial for his survival as things like love, and happiness, and belonging. His senses proved useless when it came to finding_ those_. It was his _heart_ that told him that those things were all gone, gone,_ gone._

He wound up in Fairy Tail, and managed to find those essential things again, and the ache eased. But the need to touch was still as strong as ever. Stronger, maybe. He'd learned early in life to associate touch with those important things. He needed to touch people to make sure they were there, that they hadn't left him behind.

Maybe he had abandonment issues.

Guild brawls satisfied this need for physical contact fairly well. Every time he punched Gray, every time Erza's fists collided with his head, every time he kicked Elfman's ass or tripped Jet or slugged Droy in the gut, every time he was thrown through a wall by Gildarts, the physical contact told him he was not alone. He needed that confirmation, desperately. Violence and pain were just minor byproducts of the process, and had never really bothered him. And if he found himself craving less violent contact, Happy was always nearby to perch on his head or sit on his shoulder or sleep on top of his stomach. Natsu was content.

And then he met Lucy.

He knew almost immediately that _something_ had changed, but it took him a while before he began to figure it out. At the start, he simply knew that he had to keep her. So he took her home with him, and _of course _they all welcomed her. It wasn't unusual for Fairy Tail mages to bring home strays, after all. But it was unusual for him. This was his family, and he didn't invite _just anyone _to join. But when he brought Lucy to the guild less than a day after meeting her, it didn't even occur to him to question the impulse.

She belonged there. With his family. With him.

He didn't really notice it happening, and he wasn't sure _how_ it had happened. But sometime between Galuna Island and the war with Phantom Lord, he realised that Lucy had become one of his _important people_.

He needed her. He needed to know that she was nearby. And it went deeper than that; seeing her face, catching her scent, hearing her voice ring out in the guild hall... it wasn't enough. He needed to touch.

He couldn't pull her into a brawl to satisfy this need. She wasn't quite tough enough, yet (even if she had a pretty impressive kick). She was stronger than she looked, but she wouldn't be able to withstand the sort of pain that Natsu and the others dealt each other on a daily basis. She'd get hurt, and then it wouldn't be fun for her the way it was for them.

So he found other ways to touch her. He'd grab her hand to drag her along with him, sneak up and drape himself over her shoulders when she was trying to read or eat her lunch, lean on her, poke her, nudge her with an elbow. Anything to be a bit closer to her. And of course, she thought he was a terrible nuisance, and she'd often shove him away, pretty much the same way Igneel had done when Natsu was being a pest. The only difference was that sometimes Lucy blushed.

Personal space was still a concept that Natsu had difficulty with, and Lucy often freaked out about it. But then she would touch his arm, or lean against him, or grab his chin to force him to pay attention (he never heard whatever she was saying then, because all his focus always wound up concentrated on that touch). So he was fairly certain that her freak-outs were mostly a formality.

When it really mattered, she never had any problem touching him. She carried him when he couldn't walk, rubbed his back when he was motion sick, let him rest against her when he exhausted himself, bandaged him when he was wounded, and hugged him when there was something to be sad about. She touched him quite a lot, actually.

Lucy probably hadn't had much physical contact after her mother died. Not with a father as cold and distant as hers had been. It must have been like having both of her parents die at once. Sometimes, Natsu wondered if she had abandonment issues, too.

He knew that he touched her much more often than he touched his other nakama. He knew that her touch could distract him instantly, even at times when anger was scorching his insides. Her skin fascinated him like no one else's ever had. And he wasn't stupid, no matter what everyone thought. He had enough self-awareness to recognize that he maybe-kinda liked her, more than the usual amount of liking he felt towards the rest of Fairy Tail. And he wasn't quite sure what to do with that knowledge, because he'd happily avoided the complications of _liking a girl_ until now.

But there was one thing he _was_ sure of, and that was this: even if he _sort of_ liked her, and even if he liked to touch her, and even if he just happened to be in her bed _right now_, he wasn't a pervert. He was certain of that fact. But he knew that he'd have a hard time explaining all of this to anyone without sounding like some sort of sick weirdo.

He slept in her bed because he needed to touch her.

Not like _that!_ See, it just sounded _wrong _when he tried to explain it.

He just needed physical contact — to have his knee bump her leg when he rolled over, to have his hand collide lightly with her back when he stretched, to sling a casual arm over the curve of her waist simply because it was the most comfortable spot to rest it. The need had gotten so bad that sometimes he had trouble sleeping without her beside him.

But it was totally innocent. Well, _almost_ totally. He was actually a fairly normal teenage boy, with all the usual impulses, even if everyone seemed to assume that he was too oblivious to think that way. Contrary to popular belief, he did notice girls. He enjoyed looking at them just as much as any guy did. And he _had_ noticed that his best friend was very pretty. He'd noticed that the moment they'd met.

So he couldn't deny the fact that he experienced a rather naughty thrill from being so close to her. A part of him craved more, much more, than that simple touch. But he recognized that in this situation, he could not indulge his usual tactic of charging in where angels feared to tread. Not unless he wanted to ruin everything that was wonderful between them. He could never do that to his dearest friend. So he would take things slow. Very slow. She wasn't remotely ready for more. And if he was honest with himself, neither was he.

Natsu's inner monologue paused here, as Lucy shifted in her sleep. He held his breath, hoping that she wasn't about to wake up and kick him in the face and throw him out of her apartment. Lately, she was more likely to just shout at him a bit; the face-kicking had become a fairly rare occurrence, but Natsu knew that Lucy still considered it an option.

Lucy relaxed again, and Natsu let out a relieved sigh as he snuggled closer to her back... but his relief was premature.

"Natsu," Lucy said in a sleepy, grumpy tone. "You'd better not be in my bed _again_."

Natsu winced, trying to think of a way to appease her before she could get mad at him.

"I'm not," he assured her. "You're only dreaming. It's a nice dream, 'cause I'm in it."

He knew that she was far too alert to fall for such a thing, but he was hoping that she would be amused enough to let it pass.

She was worryingly silent for a long moment, and very still. But then she huffed, conveying a mixture of amusement, exasperation, and resignation, and Natsu knew that he was in the clear.

"Well, so long as it's just a dream," Lucy muttered wryly.

She rolled over to face him, but didn't bother opening her eyes. She just burrowed close, nosing in under his chin so that when she sighed, he could feel her warm breath on his throat. The sensation sent a delicious shiver down his back and made his imagination whirl with possibilities.

It always baffled him to experience the effect she had on him. She would do something simple and innocent, and it would set his mind spinning every time. She would walk by with a particular sway in her hips, or stretch a certain way, or make a little noise that somehow made his blood burn, or give him the smile that she reserved just for him, and he would find himself defenceless before her. It never failed.

It took him a minute to get a hold of himself, and by then Lucy was already sound asleep again. He tightened his arms around her, and found that he only needed to purse his lips the slightest bit to make contact with her forehead. A secret, chaste kiss — all he dared, for now.

He adored her.

He wanted those tangible things from her. But he'd learned his lessons well. The intangible things — love, and happiness, and belonging — were more important. And now that he'd found them, he wasn't about to give them up. The rest could wait.

For now, this was enough.

**::Owari::**

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><p><strong>AN: **Hope you liked it! I had a persistent idea for a little scene that continues where the story left off, but it didn't fit the story's mood. But as a special treat, I've included it below. Enjoy!

**Omake:**

"Psst! I saw you, Natsu."

_*Gasp!*_ "Happy!"

"Kissy, kissy, Natsu! Teehee!"

"Stop it! Go back to sleep!"

"You l-l-l-like her! Pffft! That's so funny!"

"Shut up, Happy!"

"Natsu's blushing! Haha! Uwah! No, don't smother me! I can't breathe under here!"

"Then how come you're still talking?"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!"

"A-aye sir!"

**A/N:** Because really, we all know that's what would logically happen next. It's Fairy Tail, after all.


	8. Swan Song

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Fairy Tail series or any of the characters.

**Summary: **A collection of Fairy Tail shorts, drabbles, and other curiosities. Latest: "Swan Song". How to wage psychological warfare against your friends, Natsu-style. April 21, 2014.

**Note:** I borrowed something _incredibly_ minor from the "Welcome to Fairy Hills" special chapter / OVA, and made a story revolving around it. When Erza is showing Lucy her room(s) in the girl's dorm, one of the outfits in her massive collection is a tacky swan ballerina costume that Natsu gave her as a gift. She doesn't seem to like it much, since she offers to give it to Lucy. Lucy declines.

* * *

><p><strong>Tell Me a Fairy Tail<strong>

**Swan Song**

It had been one of _those_ parties.

Not one of their ordinary booze-fests, nor one of their near-daily brawls. Not even one of their special occasion celebrations that always wound up getting out of hand and leading to a bridge being blown up or something. No, this had been one of the (thankfully rare) occasions when all of those elements converged, leading to an event of epic proportions.

And what Fairy Tail considered "epic", most sane human beings would call "apocalyptic".

The last time they'd had one of _those_ parties, it had been when the Tenrou group had returned from the island, and it lasted _three whole days_.

This one hadn't lasted as long, and probably hadn't been their wildest, but there was a simple way to tell if it had been an ordinary party or one of _those_. All a person had to do was peek inside the guild hall early the next morning and count how many sleeping bodies were scattered around the place. If it was more than 80% of the guild's membership, it had been one of _those_ parties. Bonus points if the tally included cats or children. Extra bonus points if Wendy was snoozing in a precarious perch in the rafters, clutching Carla in her arms, Romeo was upside down in an empty barrel, Happy was curled up in Bixlow's discarded helmet, and Asuka had abandoned her sleeping parents to snuggle with Pantherlily in a nest of Gajeel's hair.

This, and much more, was the scene that greeted Lucy as she blearily opened her eyes to peer around the guild hall. Her head was splitting, and she wasn't sure why she was even awake, since she was still exhausted. Unfortunately, now that she was conscious, she was aware of how uncomfortable she was laying on the floor, so there was no way she'd be able to go back to sleep. Everyone else seemed to be still asleep. Lucky them.

She sat up slowly, wondering what woke her up, when motion caught her eye. She silently watched Natsu sneaking across the guild hall until he crouched beside Erza's slumbering form. He seemed very nervous, but oddly gleeful at the same time. He studied Erza for a moment, perfectly still, and then he struck.

Except... he didn't aim for Erza, but a spot slightly above her. That was weird. Not to mention the fact that when he thrust his arm forward, it _disappeared!_

Lucy felt her jaw drop. What the hell was going on? Where was Natsu's arm!?

But Natsu didn't seem alarmed by the fact that everything below his elbow appeared to be missing, and in fact he pushed forward, causing more of his arm to vanish. It was as if he had just reached through a large, invisible window floating in the air near Erza, and he seemed to be rooting around for something. He had a look of concentration on his face, his brow furrowed and the tip of his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth.

Suddenly, he pulled back and his arm reappeared, but Lucy felt even more shocked. Because Natsu's hand was now clutching something made of brightly coloured fabric, and Lucy realized that he had just stolen from Erza's exquip space.

_That's impossible!_

It was a well known fact that an exquip inventory could only be accessed by the mage it belonged to. The spell was designed that way, because otherwise the caster's belongings would be up for grabs to anyone with the inclination to steal them. An exquip space could not be pick-pocketed.

_How did he do it?_

Lucy narrowed her eyes as another thought occurred to her.

_And why?_

What had he taken? Was he a kleptomaniac? Or was the mage everyone thought of as totally oblivious actually some sort of pervert? Was this a new kind of panty raid?

As Lucy's barely-conscious brain freaked out, tossing up all kinds of wild (and probably unlikely) explanations, she climbed to her feet, ready to storm across the guild hall and put a stop to whatever was going on. Or maybe just get a closer look at how Natsu had accomplished it.

He obviously heard movement, as he turned to see who was coming. Spotting her, his eyes lit up and a grin spread across his face. Lucy opened her mouth to speak, but he held a finger up to his lips in a shushing gesture.

Natsu reached into a bag he'd brought with him and pulled out a bundle of pink and white fabric, gleefully holding it up for Lucy's inspection. She recognized it after a moment as the horrible swan ballerina costume that Erza had tried to pawn off on Lucy when she'd visited the Fairy Hills dorm. Apparently it had been a gift from Natsu, so why on earth did he have it back in his possession?

Natsu proceeded to wad up the costume again and _shove _it in Erza's direction. His arm disappeared once more, and he fished around for a moment before withdrawing, his hand now empty.

Erza murmured in her sleep, and Natsu tensed. Grabbing the item he'd stolen, he stuffed it into the bag, grabbed Lucy by the hand, and fled the guild hall, dragging his poor bewildered partner after him.

Natsu didn't stop running until he'd put a good bit of distance between himself and the guild hall, and the only reason that he stopped then was because Lucy finally dug in her heels and dragged him to a halt.

"What the hell was that?" she demanded. "What did you take? And how?"

Natsu dissolved into laughter, bending over and resting his hands on his knees to stay upright. He seemed extraordinarily pleased with himself, but his giggles weren't providing answers to any of Lucy's questions, and she was getting impatient.

Snatching the bag from Natsu's hand, Lucy looked inside. Apparently Natsu had stolen one of Erza's swimsuits.

"Why?" Lucy asked, now completely baffled.

It took a few minutes, but Natsu's laughter finally died down enough for him to be able to speak.

"She hates that swan costume, so she never puts it in her exquip space. So every few weeks, I steal it from her room and swap it for something in her inventory and wait for her to find it. She can't figure out how it keeps getting in there."

He started laughing again, delighted by his own cleverness.

"You can't do that!" Lucy exclaimed, aghast. "Leaving aside the fact that what you're doing is _impossible _— because you _can't_ break into someone's exquip space — what if she tries to requip into a specific armour during a battle and winds up wearing that costume instead! She could be killed!"

"I'm not that stupid," Natsu replied. "I only ever switch it with something she doesn't really need, like swimsuits or dresses. Do you have any idea how much crap she keeps in there that isn't even for battle? She's the same way about her luggage. Everyone assumes that if she drags around a huge cart loaded with suitcases, it must be more armour and swords. Truth is, it's all food, and costumes, and weird stuff she's picked up on missions. She's a pack rat."

This seemed a bit rich coming from the dragon-raised boy whose house gave new meaning to the word hoarder. Somehow, though, Lucy didn't find it at all surprising.

"How do you even do it?" she asked.

He just shrugged. "I dunno. I just can."

"Natsu," she tried, "Making your friends doubt their sanity is wrong."

"Sometimes I just move it to different locations in her room," Natsu confessed, his dark eyes twinkling. "That makes her extra paranoid, because she's not sure if it happened or not."

"You're going to get caught someday, and Erza will kill you."

He laughed. "Yeah, probably! But Erza half kills me all the time, so I might as well have fun!"

He grabbed the bag from her and waved. "I have to go put this in her room and make it look like it was there all along. Bye, Lucy!"

Watching him run off towards Fairy Hills, Lucy sighed. At least she'd tried.

**-o-o-o-**

Two days later, someone suggested that they all go swimming in the guild's pool. Erza attempted to requip into a swimsuit, only to find herself dressed in the dreaded swan costume. Her face went pale.

Requipping back into her usual armour, Erza quickly ejected the costume from her exquip inventory and stared at it intensely, clutching a sword in each hand. The costume lay in an innocuous heap on the pool deck. After a moment, Erza poked it cautiously with the tip of one sword, keeping the other raised in a guard position.

Lucy looked around, noticing that most of the guild seemed confused by Erza's behaviour. Natsu was doing a good job pretending to be equally baffled, but when Lucy made eye contact with him, she saw the corner of his mouth twitch upward. He was loving every minute of this.

The costume didn't react to Erza's prodding, so she edged a little closer, eyeing it as if it were a dangerous beast. As awful as it was, Lucy had to admit that it was also pretty funny to watch.

Suddenly, Erza's whole demeanour changed. She froze, then dismissed one of her swords and plucked a nearly invisible object from the white part of the costume. Holding it at eye level, she examined it.

"I wonder," she began, her voice deceptively calm. Her eyes were still fixed upon her discovery. "Of all the people I know, who among them has pink hair?"

Natsu was already running before Erza finished turning around. She stared after him grimly, exchanging her remaining sword for a barbaric-looking weapon.

"I can never remember," muttered Gray to Lucy. "Is that a mace or a morning star?"

"I'm not sure," Lucy murmured faintly.

"A mace is a club with a weighted head," Gajeel answered from nearby, his sharp ears catching their conversation. He sounded uncharacteristically academic. "A morning star is the same, only with spikes. What she's got is actually a flail, 'cause the spiky part's attached to the handle by a chain."

"Oh," Gray replied. He reflected on that, before giving a full-body shudder of horror.

Meanwhile, Erza left the guild with an unhurried pace that was somehow much more terrifying than if she had run after Natsu. She had the look of an unstoppable machine. Lucy said a silent prayer for Natsu's well-being. He was going to need all the help he could get.

"I think I'll go watch," Gajeel said, after a moment's consideration. "It's rare to meet someone who owns a flail, let alone knows how to use one. Should be awesome."

They stared after him as Gajeel strolled away, wearing a mildly enthusiastic expression.

"Isn't anyone going to do anything to help?" Lucy asked, finally tearing her eyes away from the door to look around at the rest of her guildmates. No one seemed keen to take on the challenge. Finally, Gray stirred, but Lucy's hopes were dashed when he spoke.

"I'm going to go talk to Master," Gray said. "He'll look after the funeral arrangements."

Lucy cringed. "Oh god."

**-owari-**

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><p><strong>AN –** I started writing this so long ago that I seriously can't remember if I ever had an ending in mind, let alone this particular one. At least it's finally finished! It's been much too long since the last time I posted something.


	9. Fashion Sense

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Fairy Tail series or any of the characters.

**Summary: **A collection of Fairy Tail shorts, drabbles, and other curiosities. Latest: "Fashion Sense". Because apparently nobody ever taught Laxus how to dress himself. April 29, 2014.

* * *

><p><strong>Tell Me a Fairy Tail<strong>

**Fashion Sense**

"Oh no!"

Confused, Laxus looked down to find four-year-old Asuka staring up at him with an appalled expression. When she beckoned for him to kneel down, he couldn't help but obey.

"Don't worry, I can fix it," she announced, sounding determined.

She gathered up one empty sleeve of his coat, reached inside, and pulled his arm through.

"That arm goes there, and this one goes here!" she said, repeating the procedure on his other side. Her task complete, she folded her arms and inspected Laxus's appearance, before nodding her head in satisfaction.

"_That's_ how you wear a coat," she informed him sagely. "If you forget, you can come find me, and I'll show you again."

Looking at her sincere little face, Laxus tried to ignore his guildmates' snickering. There was only one response he could give and not be an asshole.

"Thank you," he told her. "I'll try to remember."

Asuka beamed at him. "You're welcome, Mr. Laxus!"

She turned to go, then froze.

"No! No!" she exclaimed, before rushing away. "It's winter! Sandals are summer shoes, Natsu!"

**-owari-**

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><p><strong>AN:** "...Laxus does have that unfortunate fondness for leopard-print and nobody ever taught him how to wear a coat..." That's what inspired this. Just one little comment by **bibliosophia**, whose sense of humour and skill with the written word is so awesome that I have no idea why you haven't read and reviewed "Phantom Girl" yet. Seriously! Leave me a comment and then get yourself over there!


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